Snowtorious B.I.G. and the Winter of My Content
Dude, in case you haven’t heard: it snowed in DC this past weekend. It snowed a lot.
I was able to spend some time in doors away from school, work, and people. I was with the ones I love and I’ve come to the realization of five things.
1) I love the snow. I never could live in a state where it doesn’t snow (see-ya Arizona). Even when I have to dig my car out from under 2 feet of snow I love it (see-ya SoCal). Even when the threat level of skidding into oncoming traffic is nuclear white I can’t think of precipitation I’d rather drive in.
2) I hate housework. Leave me home alone for a few days and the house withers and dies. I should be ashamed of my entropic ways, but the clean-house process is not worth it. There was nothing free about my free day today. I was a prisoner made to dance to the jailhouse rock of a capricious 2-year old and a hormonal wife. As far as my Preg-o-meter is dialed correctly, my wife is still 3 months away from nesting, yet I scrubbed like she was due yesterday. Spring cleaning came early despite DC white out conditions. Before you get all permalinky on me and reply comments like, “Whatevs, jerk, she’s carrying your baby,” and “She should clean you out to the curb,” please know I kid. Mildly.
Wendy does do a lot of stuff around the house when I’m not around but it doesn’t take a PhD to notice a proportion: the pregnanter my wife gets the harder I work. I am Winterella; just compare our lists.
My list:
bathroom floor, tub, toilet, bedroom, vacuum, child entertainment, dishes x 3, dishwasher x 2, kitchen floor
Her list:
Organize maternity wardrobe, blogging (notice the time stamp), come up with more stuff to clean
3) I love napping. Put a gun to my head and ask me to choose between death and the prospect of no napping and I would probably have to sleep on it. Napping is life. It is beauty draped in a snow-feather white blanket and tucked carefully into droopy eyelids. How can anyone choose to work a full day without one? The thought of a full-day’s work exhausts me. I know napping’s salubrious benefits, but health or no I must pay obesience to Lord Circadian Rhythm. Lest ye think I laze remember my biology may have something to do with it.
I once had a job. I once had a full-time job and periodically I would slip away when the world needed me most to a men’s bathroom shower stall to find a 3-foot vinyl dressing bench to catch a 20. Even now my current lab was selected not only on the excellence of the research, or the sanity of co-workers, or the availability of funding, but on my proximity to anything reclining or semi-plush carpeting. Just writing about it makes…me…so <yawn>…
…
4) I could play the gi’tar all day. All day long.
5) I love the fam. Nothing makes me happier than putting up with shinanigans and pots and pans esp. when they belong to these two:
Oh PUH-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze.
I’m not going to challenge the inaccuracy of your lists. I’m not going to remind you the last time we deep cleaned like that was TWO MONTHS AGO. I’ll just say you best be workin’ harder the pregnanter I get!
Go cry to your fairy Godmother, Winterella.
Pretty sure you’ve blogged, what, 3 times, during the blizzard and I’ve blogged ONCE in that time. What inspired me to blog? The request of your mom and sister. And when did I blog? Oh yeah, while you were napping.
P.S. We LOVE having you home!
Oh Harley… if only I had the guts to blog your #2 list. Instead, I live vicariously through you!
But while I’m feeling gutsy…
In my sevenish years of wedded bliss (I say bliss to butter up my unbelievable caring and understanding wife, because I realize that as soon as she reads the next few words that bliss could come to a screeching halt), I have found myself coming home from a long day at the office and wondering: How can I harness the power of our wive’s 12 hour, 3 day long chats (We could heat chilly DC for months, neigh… years)? I just don’t understand how two women who are so pregnant, so sick, and so insanely busy find the time to ichat for a full week’s worth of workdays. Something doesn’t add up, so when I read “the pregnanter my wife gets the harder I work,” I don’t say “She should clean you out to the curb,” I say preach on brother.
Oh how I WISH the Linds were stuck inside for 6+ days during this blizzard with us. Wish, wish, WISH!!!
I am green with envy that snowmagedon kept you focused on Wendy’s honey-do list. That being said I think you do get an A for bravery to air you cleaning complaints here. I mean do you want your child to have arms and eyeballs? Well DO YOU?? I guess you can leave that up to Wendy and some mild cleaning to yourself.
Hope you guys can get out soon.
Where oh where to begin? Let me start by saying Jeff, you have not had to lift a finger in the cleaning department (deep cleaning anyway) since I stopped working full time for Citi. I realize you didn’t mention that, but I still found it necessary to say so. As for our long chats…I NEVER said I was SO busy and couldn’t find the time to … And, yes we are SO sick (or were rather) but nothing makes you feel better when you’re sick then talking to someone else who will give you endless empathy. Duh!
Last of all, remember how Harley took naps in a shower? That made me laugh. Keep ‘em cleanin’ Wendy!
i like the way you write, harley
@dolphinsbarn
I left my winter’s slumber to laugh a long time at your comment. So true. I can’t think of anyone I could chat 12 hours with. Scientists, leaders, former prophets, even Jesus himself couldn’t get 12 hours worth of stories/questions.
I come home and ask, “What did you do today.” During the post-Christmas Catch-up Fest it was a one-word answer: “Mindy”. “Well” I say, “How are the Linds? Sure miss those Linds. What did she say?” Wendy replies, “Nothing much, it’s just 12 hours of validation.”
Oh, kill yourself.
I know Wendy is the trained writer in the family but Harley you’ve got skills! I usually find your blogs over my head on the smart-0-meter but I really enjoyed this entry. Wendy has got it oh so good when you are home and doing the honey do list.
Susie
Why oh WHY must the FABULOUS KINGS live in D.C.?! It’s toooooo far away.
Harley, you crack me up. Wendy, KEEP HIM WORKING!
Anderson, awww, you’re so darling.
Miss you guys!